For this last year I have felt in a rut. I have not know what to do or where to head. You see, growing up I had this plan. This plan to go to school, graduate from high school, go to the U, graduate from there, and get a job. That is as far as my plan went though. It just ended there. Don't get me wrong, it was a great plan. One that worked out really well and that I was able to accomplish. But, I finished that plan last May when I graduated from the U and then got my job in June. From then on I fell like I have been floundering. I have been feeling like there should be something more. Over the past year I have felt like I have been stuck. And I have felt like I should be working towards something, but have had no idea what to work towards.
Now don't get me wrong. I like my job. I am glad that I graduated from school, and I enjoy my life. I have just been feeling like something is missing from it and like I have not been moving forward in any direction at all. Getting sick of this feeling about three months ago I decided that something need to happen. That's when I started praying for a way to move forward. TO move forward in whatever direction i was supposed to head. I don't know what I expected to happen, but I just kept on praying that something would. Nothing really happened at first. I just had this hope inside that things where going too. Then one day along the road I realized that if I wanted to move forward, if I wanted to get different results from life, then I was going to have to change what I had been doing. So I did.
I started going to the gym more. I took the challenge for scripture reading with my ward. I applied for a Masters program and got in,don't get excited, I'm not doing it, but I did apply. I accomplished something. I started do Friday Fabulous Finds to explore new places. And all the while I just kept praying. And with the way things have gone, I have continued praying to find a direction and a path to move forward on. So there I was sitting in church this last Sunday. We were all in sacrament and it had just been announced that the change of the wards that we had all been hearing about for the last year or so was going to happen at the end of this month. Our ward would no longer exist and neither would are stake. We all knew that this was coming. We all expected it to happen. But that doesn't mean that we wanted it to.
So there we sat. All of us feeling sad. Sad to say goodbye to our ward and sad to say goodbye to association within it. It just happened to be fast and testimony meeting. Brother Larsen who was conducting got up to bear his testimony. I don't even remember what he said, but it made us all laugh. I was sitting there and I looked up and saw the Bishop laughing. I saw that the ward was laughing and this thought popped into my head. It said "you wanted a way to move forward, well here it is". I just sat there for a minute and then I started to smile. And then I started to laugh. Just like that the Lord had changed my perspective and made me laugh at the same time. In that moment the ward change went from being sad to a challenge. A challenge to meet new people. A challenge to grow into a new ward. A challenge to move forward. In that moment what had sadden me changed into what I had been praying for. No, it is not exactly what I had in mind, but if the Lord wants me to move forward through it, then I will go forward.
Moving forward doesn't always happen like we think it should. It doesn't always happen in big jumps like graduate or getting married or having a child. Move forward can happen in the little things as well. It can happen in changing your daily routine, or trying something new, or changing to a new ward. Moving forward just means change.
Now, today I ripped apart a book. Literally. I tore it apart. I cut off the cover, tore off the binding and all of the glue, and ripped each page apart from the others. I took it completely apart. But then, I put it all back together again. I smoothed out each of the pages, I put them all in the protective covers, I added in the pages that had been missing, and then I put it all back together. In the end, it was in better shape then when I started. The pages were no longer falling out and the binding wasn't ripping. And the best part of all was that all of the pages were there. While doing this I thought of that story where each of us is compared to a house. A house that God comes in and remodels. While it is happening we may feel like we are being destroyed and ripped apart. He is going to knock out some walls and rip off the roof or he may even take out your whole foundation. But he isn't going to leave it like that. He will build new walls and fix the leak in your roof. He will also make your foundation stronger then it ever was before. He will make you into your mansion and you will be beter in the end then you ever were before.
Moving forward = change, and change can sometimes = hurt and heartache. But, change is good and moving forward in the right direction is even better. So even though it may cause you to get out of your comfort zone, try new things, meet new people, and hurt your heart a little bit, change is something that needs to happen. Just remember that comfort zones are not places where God allows his children to camp. He has to things to get you to grow, to get you to learn, and to get you to change and move forward. And in the end you will find that you are far better off then you ever were before it started.
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