choices

every day we are faced with choices that we have to make.  some of these choices are simpler then others.  some require no thought at all.  we just make it and go without even thinking about it.  some choices require a little debate while others require long thought out processes.  sometimes when making a choice we seek guidance from others to help us make our decision.  the point is that everyday, whether we think about it or not, we are making life choices and life decisions. 

some of these choices probably don't make much difference one way or the other.  i really don't think it matters whether you choose to wear the blue shirt or the black one.  or what you choose to eat for breakfast, or what color you paint your toe nails.  even though each of these are choices that we make, they do not really alter anything in the grand scheme of things.  by painting your toenails orange you will not be doomed for life.  it is just one of those things that doesn't really matter.  on the other hand, there are choices that you make that can alter your life from that point on.  by that one simple choice you change the route your life is taking. for each choice that you make in life effects the next.

life is a chain reaction taking you day by day.  it is a chain reaction of choices.  each choice that you make is irrevocably connected to the next.  they are all connected in what we call life.  by making one decision you determine which one you will make next.  every choice leads to the next one.  every choice has a consequence that takes you to your next choice in life. therefore, one choice that you make can change your life forever.  one choice can alter where you are headed and what you are going to do. one choice can make all the difference. 

because of this, we have to be careful about the choices that we make and the choices that we don't make.  sometimes we need to seek guidance form others who have made similar decisions in there life.  we need to think about hem and where they are going to take us.  but at the same time, sometimes we just need to do.  

we can't spend every moment of our lives debating what to do. we can't worry about where life will take us that much.  sometimes we just need to go and do and not worry about where it will lead or what will come of it.  sometimes we just need to live.  we just need to trust that all will work out and that everything will be ok in the end.  we just need to move forward and not worry about what we have done in the past, but look forward to what we will do in the future. look forward to the choices that we still have to make.   

sometimes i wonder though....if i could go back and change one choice...would i?  and if so would it change where i am now?  and if it did would it be any better or would i be a different person then who i am right now?.....not that i would.  but sometimes i wonder where my life would have lead had i made a different choice somewhere along the way. 

What really matters....

i have been reading this book and in it the girl is getting married.  but the trick is that she has to choose between two different weddings. one is being planned by her mother and one is being planned by her future mother in law. neither one of them know that there is another wedding being planned. the wedding being planned by her mother-in-law in in new york. it is set at the plaza hotel with all the fixings of a fairy tale wedding. the gorgous dress, the orcrestra in the background, twinkling lights all aound, trees imported from swizterland, birds chirping above, flowers every where with rose petals falling from the celling, an emaculate cake that is eight teirs high with hand painted tulips, everything you would expect from a sleeping beauty wedding.  

the wedding being planned by her mother is in oxshoot england, her home town. for this wedding she is wearing her mothers dress. the reception is in the back yard with a canopy and twinkling strands of lights. there is a homemade cake by the neighber next door, the flowers are from the local gardener, the ceromony is in the local church, and then pictures by the cherry tree that was planted when she was born.  now the bride has to choose....does she go with her fairy tale wedding that is evrything you could have ever dreamed of or does she go with the wedding that her mother has always dreamed of for her only daughter, in her home town?......

while reading i started to think about what i would choose. would i want the fairy tale or the home town wedding? the big fancy dress or the one my mother wore when she got married? the big fancy designer cake or the one made by a neighber? the giltering dance hall with the live band and falling rose petals or the backyard canopy with the twinkling lights???? what would i want at my wedding? which one would i choose?

then i thought....does it really matter? does it really matter whether there where trees from switzerland or the flowers from the local gardener?...... just like all other girls i have thought about what i would want my wedding day to be like.  i would want it to be pretty and to be fun, but when all is said and done does it really matter who made the cake? at the end of the day would i care? what would i really want? what really matters? at the end of the day what am i living for? am i living for the fairy tale? or am i living for the home town?

at the end of the day what i am living for is the people.  they are what matters to me. the people that i care about. the people that i love. they are what counts. they are what matters in life.  at the end of the day, when all is said and done, it is the people in my life that i live for.  that being said, i would choose the wedding where the people i loved would be as well.  i would want to celebrate that day with all of those i care about and that care about me in return.  because at the end of the day it doesn't matter what dress i wore or who did my hair.  all that matters is celebrating life and celebrating love with all those that i love...... everything else fades away, but a family lasts forever.

School.....

well..today would be the first day back at school.  i am excited this year because it is my last year of classes.  then i just have one year of student teaching and i am done!! it will be great.  a little scary but great. 

this semester i have four classes and then an institute class.  13 credits all in all.  with these classes i am also going to be going to the elementary schools so many hours each week to help in the classrooms.  i am also going to be working about 30 hours a week, because one of the ladies in my office is going to be gone for a month or more.  i also have my calling in my ward and have meetings and activities to go to for that.  oh..and there is still omega as well.  so my semester is going to be pretty full.  this is what my schedule looks like...

Monday

elementary school from 8:30-10

work from 10:30-4

class from 4:35-7:05

tuesday

class 9:40-10:30

work 11-4

class 4:35-7:05

last lecture 8-9 or enrichment mtg 7:30~9

wednesday

elementary school 8:30-10

work 10:30-4

class 4:35-7:05

omega 7-whenever or enrichment 7-whenever

thursday 

class 9:40-10:30

work 11-4

friday 

work 8-11:30

class 11:50-2:50

and then anything else that happens to come along like football games, enrichment activities, service committee meetings, oh...and of course friends and family have to go in there somewhere.  needless to say i will be pretty busy. but i am sure it will be fun and crazy like always.  i wish everyone else luck with school or work or whatever is going on in your life this fall.  i hope you all enjoy it!

Way to long

i know...i know... it has been far to long since the last time i wrote anything.  today i have once again been reminded how much can go on at one time and how much can happen in a short amount of time.  things can change in a blink of an eye and half the time we don't even notice it.  

here is an example:

about ten minutes ago i was sitting in my office chair googling people for work,  (yes i was really looking people up on google for work)  at this same time i was jammin' out to music and listening to my boss telling me that she was leaving.  right then the fire alarm starts blaring right above my head.  in that one second i jumped up, smacked my knee on the desk and knocked my water bottle over.  also at that same second my boss jumped and dropped her bag and then proceeded to laugh at me because i had smacked my knee.  

with the fire alarm still blaring in my ear i quickly closed what i was working on and grab my purse ready to leave and walk out the door to the safety of the outside world.   me and my boss both scurry out our office door and down the hallway to the outside door.  then, since my building is under construction and it all blocked off by fences and wood coverings,  we have to go along the edge of the building until we can squeeze through a break in the fence to cross the sidewalk and get away from the building.  well.....as far away as across the sidewalk.  once there i plop down to the ground and prepare to wait it out by sleeping in the grass.  i lay back and close my eyes.  i quickly think to myself that this is not half bad.  i am laying in the shade and getting paid for it.  after about ten seconds i feel something on my arm.  i brush it aside but it  does not seem to go away.  a sit up and realize that maybe this is not the greatest place after all.  there crawling up me is a huge, and i do mean huge, gigantic spider.  now i don't mind spiders, but when they are that big and crawling on me, then i have a problem.  i flicked it away as fast as i could and then i watched it crawl to my boss and up onto her bag.  she also then flicked it away.  this whole time the fire alarm is still going off and we are all still waiting.  as of now i have decided that maybe i don't want to lay back down for fear of other things crawling on top of me.  after about a minute i do it any way and proceed to enjoy the light breeze that is blowing.  yeah, well...that only lasted about a minute before once again that stupid spider was back.  after trying to get rid of it again i figured i would just play games on my phone.  

but what do ya know.....just as i start playing we have the all clear to reenter the building and go back to work.  so i get up and say goodbye to my boss, who was leaving for the day, and make my way back in through the fenced off and boarded up tunnel to get back to my office.  

as you can tell, once i got back inside and realized that i was only going to be at work for about 15 minutes, i choose to write on here instead of doing actual work.  so there you go...i am noe back in my office typing once again and jamming out to music once again just like i was ten minutes ago....like  i said...a lot can happen and you don't even notice it.

and thats just what happened to me. that doesn't even account for what went on with everybody else.....

People

life has a funny way of surprising you in the most entertaining ways. i have learned that the best thing to do is just to live each day. and by this i don't just mean to wake up and go to work or school and then go home. i mean to turly live and experiance each and every day. to look at the worl around you and see what is there. to recognize the wonderful world tht we live in and to see what it and life has to offer. life is just better when you live it. when you actually live each day at that moment and aren't waiting for the next day to come. i have never thought "oh...i will be happy when school ends, or i will be happy when i get this, or i will be finally be happy when it is warm....i remeber that i was surprised when someone said this to me. i was thinking "what, you can't be happy today?" yes, some days i wish would pass by sooner, and some times are hard. but each day that is given to you is a gift. and you only get each day given to you once. however you choose to spend that day is how it will always be. you can't go back and change anything, you can't go back and live it again. you are given it once, and only once.

with this, you have to be the person to choose how to spend your day and who to spend it with. it occured to me recently that people are not around on earth forever. growing up, i think we always expect certain people to be around. you expect to see them at the next family thing, or the next birthday or wedding. some people you expect to see when you go to the store or when you walk into work. we all expect certain people to be in our lives everyday. we expect them to be around for everything we have decided that they are supposed to be around for. but , that is just it...we have decided what they are supposed to be around for, but we don't really know what they will be around for. it never occurs to us that one day they won't be there. that that person, or people, won't be at the birthday party, or on the train, or at the wedding. and when all of a sudden that person is not there, we are not quite sure what to do. we had always expected them to be there and when they are not we feel like something is wrong and we know someone is missing.

but i think the thing that we end up missing the most when someone passes is not the memories we already have, but the furture memories that we are now not going to have. when someone passes it finally hits us that that person is not going to be there for the birthday, the wedding, the christmas party, or even just everyday. that person is no longer going to be ther to be the one to give you a smile or wave. that person is no longer there to tease you or to laugh with you. and when a person passes away that is what hurts the most. knowing that they are no longer here on earth to make memories with you.

because of this, i have realized even more how important it is to live each and everyday. to live each and evryday to it's fullest extent. to look around the world and find things in it i had never noticed before. to take a walk down the road and see where i end up. to notice the beauty in a flower or the sky. but most importantly, to live my life with the people i love. to let them know that i love them and care for them. to make memories with today, because i don't know if they will be there to make them tomorrow. to turly love and to let myself be loved in return. i have come to beleive that that is the best way to live. to just live...